To stop nail biting we are in a tussle between our higher brain and our lower brain.

Our lower brain is all about instant gratification and is lightening fast. This is where all our automated responses originate from.

Habits are a combination of thought - feel - action, that have been repeated so many times we have automated the Think - Feel - Act Pathway and end up nibbling effortlessly and unconsciously. The nail biting habit has been relegated to our lower brain, where it uses very little energy and is an automated response - usually to feeling anything intense or uncomfortable.

Our higher brain knows what is in our best long term interests and does all the advanced planning. This area of brain function is slower than the lower brain and requires more energy to function. This where we plan for our future. We get long term gratification from achieving our goals, by using our higher brain. 

With our higher brain we can decide to stop nail biting. We plan on what we will do - we plan our actions.

The urge to nail bite comes from our lower brain. It is much faster than our higher brain. It will be so much faster than all our good intentions, every time. It is harder to access all the planning we did (back when we decided we wanted to stop nail biting) in the moment of an urge. Our lower brain wants instant gratification and wants us to feel better in that moment. It is not interested in delaying this gratification for our long term benefit. It believes our very survival is at stake.

Lower brain vs higher brain.

Resisting the urge in these moments will cause the lower brain to increase the intensity of the urge, to try and get you to comply with what it wants.

Just using willpower in these moments is likely to let you down. Willpower is often in short supply just at the moment you need it most. Using willpower is now going to add to the discomfort you were already feeling, making you more uncomfortable. Discomfort heaped upon discomfort. We use words like fight or battle, in relation to willpower.

How many times have you already failed to stop nail biting using the willpower method already??

What is more helpful is a different approach. A plan that engages your higher brain as fast as possible. You need to take action that jogs you back to your long term plan. You need to know exactly what steps you will take, rather than sitting there resisting an urge. Make your action as fast as your lower brain’s desire for instant gratification. This has to be planned in advance, rehearsed. To change your Action requires a different Thought. And a different approach to deal with what you are actually Feeling.

It is these small, seemingly insignificant, moments that accumulate to create the results we do want. The moments where we refocus our brain and do the very thing we say we are going to do.

Giving in to instant gratification is always going to be available to us, every moment of every day.

Not giving into instant gratification is also a choice available to us every moment of every day.
Yes it takes effort and does not feel that great in the moment, but it gets easier with practice.

You need a plan that factors in the speed of your lower brain. An action plan you are committed to. Pretending urges are not going to happen or imagining that this time you will have enough willpower is a fantasy. Urges will arise and you need a solid plan that will deal with these moments.