Depending on the energy behind the words or what the intention is that sits behind the words, the phrase “I’d like to Stop Biting my Nails” can sound variously like a statement, a question or an incomplete sentence.

When forcefully said, with the energy of ‘determination’, “I’d like to stop biting my nails” comes across as more of a statement. A complete phrase with a definite ending.

If the tone of voice is more timid with an upward inflection of the voice, especially when the word ‘like’ is emphasised, it can be heard and interpreted as more of a question.

“I’d like to stop biting my nails” can also be communicated in a way that when you hear it you are waiting for more to be said. It kind of just hangs in the air as an incomplete phrase. To the listener there is a subtle pause and nothing more is said, for just slightly longer than usual. We are waiting for the ....but...... to be said.

This demonstrates the very subtle nuances that exist within language.

Looking back on that phrase, from the perspective of someone who no longer bites her nails, I can see the second part of that sentence was “but I don’t know HOW”?

“I’d like to stop biting my nails: but I don’t know HOW?”

I’m not sure I was ever conscious of exactly what the second half of the phrase was at the time? With the clarity I have now - thanks to becoming a Certified Life Coach and being more adept at catching thoughts - I see it. I was always vaguely aware that there was more to that thought. But it was hazy and I let it stay unexamined. I let it hang unspoken for decades - at least to my consciousness. By not acknowledging the second half of the thought or even questioning what might be in the silence, the gap, the incompleteness of it, I kept myself in ignorance.

For years the thought of “I’d like to stop biting my nails” rumbled around in my head, being neglected, dismissed and pushed to one side. I now see because I thought I didn’t know HOW I could stop biting my nails, I didn’t take any notice of what I was trying to communicate to myself. The feeling of being a bit out of control played into this - if I didn’t know ‘how’ then what did that say about me? This all zipped through my brain at lightening speed, at a subliminal level. Isn’t it amazing what our brain is capable of processing in a nano second.

My truth was that I wanted to stop biting my nails but didn’t know HOW. I wasn’t acknowledging my truth. This is probably your truth too?

So whilst the ‘in our head’ kind of communication is not heard by the outside world - our own brain is still listening. We may think that the mutterings under our breath don’t matter. Pay attention, they really do. It doesn’t matter to our brain whether these words are said out loud or whether it comes from you or another person - it is all the same - these words are heard and noted. Our brain takes them all in. We are communicating messages to ourselves constantly.

It didn’t seem conscious. I didn’t take action. For decades I didn’t honour my deeper desire to stop. That takes a toll. This creates yet another layer of discomfort, on top of us beating ourselves up. We get so used to living with this discomfort, it now becomes normalised. Small wonder we feel so miserable with persistently nail biting.

My brain was tricking my brain. Human brains can be tricky.

I’m now on the lookout for how this might be playing out in other areas of life - especially with my tendency to procrastinate. I’m asking myself where the second half of those phrases is not being acknowledged or said and where my truest self is still trying to get my attention.

Take a moment to say to yourself - "I'd like to stop nail biting" and see if your brain adds anything onto the back end of that sentence? Really listen to what your brain adds on and take note.