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"I'd like to stop biting my nails". How this thought becomes toxic when ignored - part 1

Thursday, June 01, 2023

Finally Stop Nail Biting Blog/General/"I'd like to stop biting my nails". How this thought becomes toxic when ignored - part 1

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“I’d like to Stop Biting my Nails” Part 1. How this thought becomes toxic when ignored.

“I’d like to Stop Biting my Nails”

Has this phrase been in your mind, forever? Does ‘Stop Biting my Nails’ end up on your New Years Resolution list every single year, rolled over from year to year? Is there very little progress year to year, despite all your good intentions? Maybe this year will be the year you crack it?

“I’d like to Stop Biting my Nails” sounds such a lovely idea. As you re-write it on your list every January perhaps a conflicting thought pops up (almost as immediately) which is along the lines of ‘yeh, in your dreams’, ‘you are just a nail biter, always have been, always will be’. Now there are conflicting thoughts, feelings and energy present. So you put Stop Biting my Nails on your list - again, more in hope than expectation of actually achieving it. If you were to score your chances of achieving that result this year - how high a percentage would you score it? 50% or less? So, you resign yourself to the hope that this might happen, but rate your chances as being very low. If this is a pattern you recognise - you are not alone. And this could equally apply to weight loss, cutting back on alcohol, spending money, time on your phone.......etc

Now you think about it, “I’d like to Stop Biting my Nails” is a phrase you repeat regularly, probably weekly, possibly daily, maybe hourly. It isn’t just something you put on your New Years Resolution List, it is a deep desire within you - so much more frequently than just New Year. Perhaps this wish is constant in your brain / your mind chatter? But because it is there so much, you’ve tuned it out. It’s become a quiet whisper because it no longer gets your conscious attention. It's like the small child who constantly tugs on your trouser leg, who you ignore. It is on a continuous loop playing in the background.

Our wishes are the door to our deeper desires. It is no accident that you repeatedly want to become someone who no longer bites their nails. It is a deep truth for you and something you dearly want to achieve. This desire is there for a reason. It is a nudge to get more in touch with ourselves, to become more aware of our thoughts and feelings, a prompt to grow and evolve. To pay attention to ourselves. Stop ignoring ourselves.

Change only happens when we first have a desire to change. Wanting to stop nail biting IS your deeper desire for change.

But if this desire just sits at the level of an idea, nothing more will happen.

An idea remains just an idea, no matter how many times we repeat it in our head to ourselves. We can get into the habit of having the same wishful thoughts and repeat them internally to ourselves, sometimes for years, for decades. I did this for 5 decades! Those repetitious desires are the ones we really need to pay attention to. Not honouring these desires is not honouring ourselves. We step out of integrity with ourselves when we don’t catch these nudges. Instead of growing in confidence we feel more and more that something is wrong with us. Instead of becoming more of who we were born to be, we shrink and feel less than.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could telepathically make things happen just by thinking them. I know there is a school of thought that says we manifest things into being by simply thinking them and yes we do have to be aware of our desires by becoming conscious of what they are in the first place, but ideas that are only wishful do not generally magically become a reality. Ideas require our attention to be placed on them AND acted upon, for them to be translated into reality. Paying attention and becoming conscious of our desires is very important, but is only the first step.

Merely paying attention and listening to ourselves will not make an idea a reality. This is kindergarten level. To have success in quitting a well established habit there are a number of stages to go through, the equivalent of maturing our relationship with ourselves from kindergarten all the way through to university level. When we have this level of relationship with ourselves, then so much more becomes possible. Mind and emotional mastery is what can come out of stopping nail biting. These skills are rarely taught to us by our parents or by educational systems. Often regarded as soft skills, they are overlooked and easily dismissed. Mastering these skills is the route to feeling so much better about ourselves and honouring who we are. This is what my coaching work and programs are all about.

Is 2022 going to be the year you stop biting your nails for good and never have the desire to bite them ever again? Quit the merry-go-round of Groundhog Day (love that film) and start paying attention to and honouring the desires that really do serve you.

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Hi, I'm Ann Barton

This blog:
Busts the myths that keeps nail biters stuck.
Speaks truth about our nail biting habit.
Takes a different approach based on cognitive behaviour.

I ended my 50+ year nail biting habit, after 5 decades of miserably trying and failing. I now teach and coach clients to permanently end nail biting too.

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