Tuesday, June 20, 2023
On a scale of 0 - 10 put number on these 2 questions (0 is no belief, 10 is absolute belief):
How much do you believe 'it is not possible' for you to stop biting your nails?
If you totally believe that this is not possible for you then would put a 10. I have used an example of 9.
How much do you believe 'it is possible' for you to stop biting your nails'?
If you have very little belief then you might enter e.g. 2.
Think of this as a 20 point scale, put the answer to the first question on the left hand side and the answers to the second question on the right hand side of 0.
-10___-9___________________0__+2_________________+10
Impossible Possible
The distance from (minus) -9 to 0 represents the initial work of finding all the beliefs that are closing you down to what could be possible for you.
The distance from (plus) +2 to +10 is the second part of building what you absolutely are capable of doing.
If you were already at +10, then stopping nail biting would be INEVITABLE, for you.
If you think you can, you will. If you think you can't, you won't.
These answers also represent the percentage likelihood of failure (x10) if you had another attempt to stop nail biting right now without addressing your mindset. Using the answer to question 1 where the answer in the example is 9. Now multiply your answer by 10. The maths looks like (9 x 10 = 90) so in this example there is a 90% chance of failure.
And the percentage likelihood of success (x10) if you had another attempt to stop nail biting right now without addressing your mindset. Using the answer to question 2 where the answer in the example is 2. Now multiply your answer by 10. (2 x 10 = 20) so in this example there is a 20% chance of success.
This is simply a way of assessing your start point. This is simply maths.
Your thoughts ABOUT the maths is what creates all the discomfort you might be experiencing right now.
Mind drama is always completely optional. It may not feel like it, but you can firmly and lovingly say NO to the thought spin your brain wants to indulge in right now.
You can use the maths against yourself. Or you can use the maths as a useful tool to help you to decide to make changes, to motivate you to try a new and different approach.
The next step is to write down all the feelings you are experiencing and all the reasons, all the thoughts, all the objections, all the excuses, all the justifications that are coming up for you right now, when you consider what is and isn’t possible for you when it comes to stopping nail biting. Keep writing it down - all of it. This is pure gold to document on paper. Emptying your head of this can be a relief. It also creates a map to understanding your road blocks.
Knowing where you are is essential at the start of any journey. You cannot get a sat nav to direct you to your destination - if the connection to the satellite is broken, or your device location software is turned off. Up to now your attempts to stop nail biting have been a bit like this - you have been aimlessly driving around without a map or a guidance system.
Just taking action alone is not enough (randomly driving around). You have probably tried all the random actions, products and ever increasingly crazy hacks that you see on the internet. And nothing has changed - apart from perhaps feeling even less confident that you will ever succeed to stop biting your nails.
What you need to know is your start point (belief assessment), your endpoint (your goal) and have a map to guide you along the journey (my help). You also need fuel in the tank and your food & drink supplies (thoughts that support your goal which create feelings that have you taking action to get you to your goal). A spare tyre and/or emergency cover (understanding of urges and how to manage intense or uncomfortable feelings).
Stop randomly driving around, hoping by some miracle you will magically get to the destination you want to arrive at. Do the assessment to assess your start point. Enter the numbers right now. Then keep asking yourself what are all the reasons why it both is and isn’t possible.
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This blog:
Busts the myths that keeps nail biters stuck.
Speaks truth about our nail biting habit.
Takes a different approach based on cognitive behaviour.
I ended my 50+ year nail biting habit, after 5 decades of miserably trying and failing. I now teach and coach clients to permanently end nail biting too.
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